The Truthiness Commissions

Certain segments of the American left [here too] are calling for truth and reconciliation commissions. Truth commissions like the ones held in South Africa, Germany, Argentina, Chile, and Yugoslavia for a pattern of egregious violations of human rights against their own citizenry. You know, the same truth commissions intended for the healing of countries with protracted histories of complete dehumanization of its citizens usually entailing the kidnapping and murder of suspected political dissidents? Now, we're not just talking about the state sponsored killing or torture of the most radical elements of their society. We're also not just talking about countries who mistreated foreign national sworn enemies of their state. No, we're talking about countries whose own citizens lived in constant fear of exhibiting the mere appearance of dissent.

Is there anything more narcissistic than comparing liberal America's psuedo suffering to that of the actual suffering of the peoples of the aforementioned countries? We only reiterate our "spoiled American" persona by trivializing the real injuries of the truly oppressed with our latest political whimsies.

Much to the dismay of that segment of the left, Obama stated that he will not authorize a truth commission for the outgoing administration. So, to satisfy those who are salivating for such pomposity, I will oblige:

THE TRUTHINESS COMMISSIONS

Neocon Blonde,
Commanding Officer of the Perpetually Serene House of Quinn

Pursuant to the proposal of Dahlia Lithwick, et al.,

DECREES:

Article 1

There is hereby created a polypartisan Commission called the "The Truthiness Commission of Inquiry Into The Poopy Stinky Meanness of BushCheney."

Article 2

The mission of the Commission is:

- to investigate and make recommendation upon the criminalization or just plain general offensiveness of Texas accents and/or swaggering.
- to replace responsible consideration of complicated legal issues with pouting that conforms to spoiled adolescent sensibilities.
- to create an American Intelligence Oversight Committee consisting of the editorial boards of the New York Times, The Nation, and Keith Olbermann which exclusively will determine classification levels and dissemination criteria for all sensitive information.
- to hear testimony from any person willing to complain about BushCheney (Committeeperson Sullivan will chair a one-man subcommittee to hear complaints about Palin).
- to bring back the altogether peaceful, happy, and loving relationship the United States enjoyed with the Arab world prior to the advent of BushCheney.

Article 3

The Commission is composed of:

Congressman Dennis Kucinich: Commission Chair
William Ramsey Clark: Legal Counsel
Michael Moore: Recording Secretary
Cynthia McKinney: Law Enforcement Expert
Congressman Ron Paul: Token Republican
George Galloway: UN Representative
Gore Vidal: Commissioner Emeritus
Dr. Ayman Zawahiri: Medical Expert
David Remes: International Outreach
Andrew Sullivan: Religionism and Feminism Expert
Adam Kokesh: Military Expert
Jane Fonda: Commission Armpiece

Article 4

The Commission may summon any natural, legal, or fictional person in a position to assist it in the pre-ordained missions of the investigation.

Article 5

If the investigation so requires, members of the Commission may provide their own personal testimony and consider their own personal complaints.

Article 6

To this end, the material resources necessary will be put at the disposal of the Commission to enable it to carry out its mission.

Article 7

The Commission shall submit its report within 4 years, preferably during the month of October 2012.

Article 8

When the pre-determined determinations have been properly concluded, a decree of Neocon Blonde will terminate the mandate of the Commission.